As they say, "on n'apprend pas aux vieux singes à faire des grimaces." Loosely translated this means "you cannot teach old monkeys to make faces." As often is the case this sounds more amusing in English and less snotty than it does in French but the meaning is clear in any language.
The so-called summer of love rages on, but as the days grow shorter I find the motto flipped from the days of our hippie forefathers; meaning, I am increasingly making not sweet love but bloody war. The guns are going off and the daisies are exploding into ash. And the crux of this unfortunate situation is that everything old is not new again. I have long held a theory that people tend to freeze-frame when it comes to intimate relationships, especially if something traumatic occurred to one regarding a relationship--especially at a tender age--and ever after one is emotionally stuck at that age of innocence. It isn't necessarily unhealthy. It is just a part of who you are as a person. Maybe time, experience, and a healthy dose of cognitive therapy can shock it out of you--but I personally have my doubts, and further doubts that you should want that seminal part of you gone.
I do not fall in love too easily. I fare no better with lust. I fare worst of all with like. These qualities are inherent in me, or at least were fused to my spine at puberty. I generally know who it is I want, and I have never not known who it is I most definitely do not want. On good days I and those like myself call this being choosy, refusing to settle, being smart and self-aware. All this is true. On bad days, we refer to it as too picky and kind of freaky. The older I get, the more this is true also.
I have friends who are happily married. They have the luxury of crowing about this, using hackneyed phrases like "When you know, you know." Well guess what bitches, I have known before too and I have never been happily married. Does that make me wrong or you lucky? Time will tell.
I have friends who are serial monogamists and have never to my knowledge been alone, listening to the sounds of silence. I have friends who are looking for perfection and friends who will bed anyone and friends who categorically date just about anyone so long as the relationships don't go longer than a season, max. To each his and her own.
The Americans say "You can't teach an old dog new tricks." And how. More prosaically, this is known as once a cheater, always a cheater....once bitten, twice shy.....and my personal fave, once an asshole, never not an asshole. I don't know where I got freeze-framed but as I grown ancient in dog years I find my old tricks as reliable as ever when it comes to knowing who I am in terms of intimacy.
Dating is a fascinating thing to me. Being a girl with an inquiring mind, I want to know why in the world people do it. I fundamentally understand the concept: boy meets girl, boy and girl get to know each other over a series of shared activities, boy and girl live happily ever after or go their separate ways. The latter may be easy like Sunday morning, an amicable you gotta go your own way situation; it may be fraught with tension and drama and lock-changing; it may just be sad and a shame for all parties and involve playing Lisa Loeb's '90s hits on a loop. And yes I am definitely preaching to the over 30 set here, with few exceptions--but how do you need X amount of "dates" to "get to know someone." Unless we are talking total strangers here, but even then I don't know that it takes more than two outings or chats to recognize a kindred spirit, or ID a clever knock-off.
I don't think I am that much smarter than the average bear. But no offense, I already know in like 10 minutes if I like you or not. I also have a pretty high success rate regarding you liking me. As in the actual me, even if you just met me I can tell whether or not, upon getting to know me better, you will like me for me and not the me you think you see. I don't mean we are going to be the next (less doomed of course) Antony and Cleopatra. Maybe we will maybe we won't. I do mean, if I am going to share my secrets, physical and otherwise with you, I better like you. If I do not, I am not about to get your sad little hopes up and risk the chaos that is sure to succeed my breaking-my-own-rules attempts to not be too picky or ridiculous and give you a chance to hit me with your best shot. Because your best shot will always, always, always be off the mark.
The Chinese say "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Recently I met up with a friendly acquaintance for dinner. Thirty seconds into the evening I realized I was on a date, and how. I never wanted anything to do with this man in the few years I have known him beyond be friendly and work together. This fauxmance evening I was trapped into did nothing to change my mind. In fact it infuriated me, up to and including the fine moment when had to call on my Bella-Swan-being-rudely-kissed-by-Jacob powers to turn as stony as any Cullen could. (Thank god reading that crap was good for something.)
It also made me reflect sadly that things in this summer of love have gone from the sublime to the ridiculous in far too short a time span. For the record, I would just like to say a few more words, the first being I am always always always right somehow about this shit. I know me and I know you and I know that this is worth our time or it is not. You are not god's gift to women. I am no one's sexy beast. I am not on your list of promising young things to do. I am not going to plead singlehood for life and console myself with a committed drunk shag with you once a year. You did not come on too strong, you came on too wrong.
I am going to hold fast and firm to the belief, however, that I am awesome and amazing. A girl's gotta have something to hold onto.
Sexy beast...haha!
ReplyDelete